Someone asked me if I was dating you.
I laughed to myself.
How I desperately wished I was.
Alas, reality is way harsher than fantasy. I have come to terms with reality, my reality. It's just that I'm having issues with my fantasy or more likely, with my subconscious. It's not funny at all when you're the first thing that comes to my mind when I wake up in the morning. And you also happen to be the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep at night. And you want to know what's even more screw up, I've been having 5 dreams about you throughout the month of March. Desperation is so not a pretty sight. I am honestly trying my best down here to suppress any feelings that I have for you. You have no idea how desperate I am to see you to get hook-up with someone else so that it will force me to move on with my life. It's a fact, no matter how much I want it, me and you would never happen. I'm just not your type. I'm just a friend to you, nothing more and nothing less.
Furthermore, my perspective on love and relationship is way different than yours. To me, my family comes first, follow by my friends, then my career and lastly, my partner. To be truthful, depending on what career I have. From what I know about you, you are the clingy type, so I'm not sure as to how it will go about. For me, I know that I'm ready for a relationship where you don't have to be there for each other physically but rather emotionally. Strangely, it sounds more like a long distance relationship. I know it's weird but that's what I look for in a relationship. As much as I want you to be the one for me and vice versa, but honestly, what's the point of forcing something right?
Someone once told me that his definition of love was to love someone regardless of the person's feelings for him. He would love her no matter what. He would always make her smile. He would always be there for her. He would always keep her safe. He would always try his best to provide for her. He would always listen to her every whim. He would always cherish every moment spend with her. Even though if she doesn't love him at all.
I am this close to becoming that for your sake but decidedly know that I don't have that much strength to do it. I am getting more and more irritated with myself for getting into this mess. Nothing new, I always fall in love with the guys that I know I can never get. Furthermore, it's not like you read my blog at all.
PS: my body is aching...
No comments:
Post a Comment