Scared

I accidentally got sucked into the vortex of Thai BL shows.

It's affecting my sleep. I would usually be in bed by midnight. Now, I would be going to bed after 2 or 3 in the morning. My worst timing is going to bed at 6 in the morning after morning prayers, then getting up at 8.30am to start work. I am working from home, so usually I would wake up around 8.20am. The fuck up part is that even though I have 2 - 3 hours of sleep the night before, I would still sleep around 2 or 3 the following day. I am fucking myself up big time.

Anyway, in a span a month, since 1st June was when I discovered my first Thai BL show, I have only watched more & more, and there's more Thai BL shows to watch!

1. 2gether
2. TharnType
3. Theory Of Love
4. Love By Chance
5. Why R U?
6. Until We Meet Again
7. SOTUS
8. SOTUS S
9. Kiss Me Again
10. Kiss
11. Dark Blue Kiss
12. Together With Me
13. Bad Romance
14. Together With Me: The Next Chapter
15. 2 Moons
16. My Engineer
17. Great Men Academy
18. Water Boyy
19. He's Coming To Me

Luckily, all of them end with happy endings. Because if not, I think I might have a mental breakdown. Along the way I kind of felt like watching a Thai BL movie instead, since I wanted something that didn't last for several hours. I ended up watching 3 Thai BL movies.

1. Love of Siam
2. Bangkok Love Story
3. My Bromance

And for the first time in my life, I actually hyperventilate & I felt a sharp pain in my chest, and I cried, like really badly. I'm not sure if I'm crying because of the movies or because of something else. I just feel empty. Watched all 3 of them more than a week ago, & I can still feel my heart beat faster whenever I think about the movie. Thus the reason for me watching BL series with happy ending. My heart is still aching for the past 1 week, not sure why.

I'm scared.

Genuinely scared.