My 600th entry...


I'm not sure that people are changing or I am changing. Things just feels different nowadays. It doesn't feel the same way as it used to be. I'm not sure if it's me just being as oblivious as possible until I realize that something is actually missing. Where do I even begin? I could just brushed it off & take it just as another one of my delusional paranoia or I can try to figure it out & make matters worst. Don't get me wrong, I'm not taking it personally but I just feel like typing it out. It's my blog, i'm just going to voice out my opinions. Nothing more, nothing less.

I realize I'm no longer close with any of my friends anymore. I'm guess I did remember my 2010 resolution to refrain myself from knowing about everybody's business. I think that it is sort of actually happening right now. There's a lot of things that I do not know off that is going on in my friends' life.




At times, I truly feel at a lost as to what is going on in Q's life in terms of her personal life. Sometimes I feel like there's just stuffs that she's not telling me but I can't expect her to tell me everything right? I gotta respect what she wants to tell me & what I need to know.

Ayun, he is busy with everyone & NS. So, he'll just randomly update me & he does update me the important stuffs. So technically, I'm cool with it & furthermore, he's my cousin so I'm stuck with him till death do us part.

Azieera & Syima, I'm losing touch with them. Azieera is always busy with work or Idah & from the looks of it, I'm assuming that she doesn't like to chill at telepark anymore. Syima is attached to Jingwei so that explains everything.

Khairul, he's getting busy with his airport job, Starbucks crew & going to the gym. Good for him. I am actually proud of him from XL to a size M. He just consults me for gay stuffs.

Netty is attached to Randy, busy working or with Q. I'm always cool with her.

Ayis, I don't even know anything about him at all. He is either tweeting/tumblring emotional stuffs or just very angry but he doesn't share anything at all. I just let him be.

Alif, Azman, Randy, Jingwei & Fairul, there are just in their own world.

I guess it's not that easy to adapt to being oblivious. I have a tendency to know about everybody's shits now I only know what they told me. I guess I'm cool with it. Being oblivious isn't that bad after all.

PS: *huggies*

Bismillah hir rahman nir raheem,

Dear GOD,
I'm just not that good at typing it down in malay, so I'm just going to type in English. Sorry about that. So, it's my birthday. I'm officially 24 years old. My birthday wish is that may YOU give me the strength to help me overcome any obstacles in my life. Please let me get into nafa with the course that i really want. May YOU please heal all of my friends' & loved ones' wounds, emotionally, spiritually, physically or mentally. Please protect them from all the heartaches & give them the strength & courage to overcome the hurdles in their life. May all of them be successful in life.

Thank you very much.
Insyallah amin ya rabbal alamin.

PS: happy 24th.

The links.

Nazron - Fadly
Nazron - Azieera - Syima
Nazron - Jingwei
Nazron - Khairul
Nazron - Ifah - Afiq - Netty - Randy
Nazron - Ifah - Afiq - Alif
Nazron/Fadly - Faris - Azman
Fadly - Q

The dolls are formed because I randomly decided to give a name for our clique.

How we are interconnected is because of you. If you look from other people's point of view, No Nazron equals to no dolls.

The difference between the rest & both of us is that we are strong minded to a certain extend. It's not that the rest don't dare to stand up to me, it's because the rest don't mind going with the flow. You of all people should know by now that each & everyone of us are opinionated & very vocal when we want to prove our points. Are you even insane to think that the rest don't dare to stand up to me?

It's a fact that it is your clique. You do have the final say because it is your right. I'm not forcing you to be the leader of our clique but technically speaking, it is your role & no one else's. All i am asking of from you is to just accept that role & deal with it.

If you are in my shoes, it is a fact that you do pick & choose which friends should be in which clique. I'm the type who doesn't really give a shit which friend is in which clique. If it was up to me, I would rather everyone be friends with each other. If they are unhappy with each other, that's their fucking issue, not mine.

If you want to start comparing, by all means. I'll just start pointing out then.

Yantao, Zirah, Nana, Fatin & Raja. They have never even lepak with all the dolls at all. They only lepak with some of us. I don't even think that have meet up with Jingwei, Azman, Alif or Randy at all. Syima & Azieera don't even click that well with them. Netty don't even talk to them at all.

Leo, Yati & Idah. Leo is like the dolls' clubbing buddy. Have Leo ever lepak with all of us? How about Yati? or even Idah? Idah have meet half of us only. Leo, Yati & Idah is close to only Q, Syima & Azieera. Me, you, Khairul, Ayis & Netty is only ok with them.

Abang Wan & Kak Lenny. To me personally, they deserved to be part of the dolls. They have met every single one of us & they even celebrate christmas with us last year. We crashed their place for that guy's birthday surprise.

Fairul. He is close with Alif. He clicks really well with Me, Ayis, Netty, Q, Azieera. He is cool with Syima, Jingwei, Azman & Randy. He have met up with all of us before.

I'm just voicing out my opinion. You are as much entitled to voice out yours.

PS: I'm just saying.

my own personal happy place

which happens to make me feel right at home

whenever anything that happen to me

emotionally

this is the place

i always run to

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Cyclops (The Leader)

- possesses the mutant ability to project a beam of heatless ruby-colored concussive force from his eyes & able to shut his optic blasts at will.

Storm (The Goddess)

- possesses the psionic ability to manipulate weather patterns over limited areas.

Wolverine (The Hunter)

- possesses the ability to regenerate damaged or destroyed areas of his cellular structure at a rate far greater than that of an ordinary human.

- Wolverine’s skeleton includes six retractable one-foot long bone claws, three in each arm, that are housed beneath the skin and muscle of his forearms, that is permanently laced with admantium.

Emma Frost (The Seductress)

- possesses various telepathic talents. Emma can read minds and project her thoughts into the minds of others, project psionic force bolts which have no physical effects but which can affect a victim's mind so as to cause the victim pain or unconsciousness, and can also induce mental pain merely by touching the brow of her victim.

- transform her skin and hair into a diamond-hard form at will.

Beast (The Scientist)

- possesses superhuman strength, agility, endurance, and speed, despite his bulk.

-possesses the agility of a great ape and the acrobatic prowess of an accomplished circus aerialist.

- possesses enhanced senses, the ability to secrete pheromones to attract members of the opposite sex,

- a slight healing factor that allows him to regenerate minor wounds and recover quickly from minor ailments such as colds.

- possesses cat-like night vision as well as razor-sharp claws on his hands and feet

- able to switch to his human form at will.

Psylocke (The Ninja)

- can generate a telekinetic katana, or direct her telekinesis through her fists to strike as if she had superhuman strength; she is also immune to telepathic probes and attacks.

- precognition, telepathy, mental bolts, mind control, and generating illusions.

- could generate a "psychic knife" to stun or kill opponents.

- could fly, create force fields, move objects with her mind, and generate energy blades.

Dark Angel ( The Fallen)

- can heal fatal injuries and cure most known diseases at an accelerated speed by mixing his blood with that of the victims, so long as they have a compatible blood type.

- wings composed of a razor-sharp organic steel-like material, allowing him to use them as slashing weapons.

- expel his feathers at great speed and with tremendous force, enabling them to pierce even steel. The feathers are tipped with a paralyzing chemical generated by his body (he is immune).

Shadowcat (The Tech)

- ability to “phase” through solid matter by shifting her atoms through the spaces between the atoms of the object through which she is moving.

- phase other objects and people without harm to them.

- can render herself wholly or partially invisible at will.

- render other people or objects invisible, affecting up to forty thousand cubic feet of volume.

Colossus (The Gentlemen)

- can transform his body tissue into an organic, steel-like substance that grants him superhuman strength enabling him to lift/press up to 75 tons and makes him impervious to most injury.

X-23 (The Assasin)

- possesses the ability to regenerate damaged or destroyed areas of her cellular structure at a superhuman rate, which varies in direct proportion with the severity of the damage she suffers. - her endurance, agility and reflexes are enhanced. possesses superhumanly acute senses, allowing her to see and hear things at an extended distance. She is able to recognize people and objects by scent, even if that person or object is hidden, and can use these enhanced senses to track any creature with an impressive degree of success.

- skeleton includes two retractable bone claws in each arm and one in each foot that she can extend and retract at will. These claws are housed beneath the skin and muscle. have been coated with Adamantium.

Elixer (The Healer)

- able to control organic matter on a genetic level; so far he has only demonstrated the ability to heal including eyesite and restoring a heart from nothing, restore suppressed mutations, cause temporary (yet painful) defects, alter his color, and kill.

Dust (The Silent)

- Can transform her body into a living sandstorm able to blind opponents or strip away flesh.

Pixie (The Child)

- butterfly-like wings granting flight; pixie dust which causes hallucinations; teleportation and potential for other magical abilities.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

it just so happen that i don't have a name for my happy place

but it's mine

and no one else can take it away from me

PS: I'm just frontin'

See that smile.

From now on, it's going to be plastered to my face.

Permanently.

I'm not going to show

my emotions anymore.

I'm going to try my

best to be as cold as

I can.

I can't be bothered

taking care of other people.

I do find pleasure in

knowing about other

people's business.

I'm not going to pretend

to care about their well-being.

If people confide in me,

so be it.

I don't want to give them

advice only to have it turned

on me.

I just don't give a shit

anymore.

If I want to plan an outing

for the Dolls, then I'll do it

my way or I'll just scrap the

whole thing and let someone

else do it.

I don't want to be the person

anymore.

I don't want to be that person

any longer.

I just want to be myself.

To do as I please.

I no longer want to be how

people perceived me to be.

I can't be bothered with you anymore. By all means, just continue getting on my nerves. I'll just pretend everything is alright, then I'll walk away from you. I don't mind throwing away my friendship with you. It's like second nature for me. I'm not even going to say anything about it. I'm just going to let you do as you please. It's your life to waste around with, not mine. Have fun doing whatever you're doing. I'm not going to stop you at all from continuously talking about it considering that I do know the real facts about it. I'm just going to pretend to be your friends for the sake of your knowledge and expertise. Nothing more, nothing less. Just do me a favour and get off that pedestal before I literally pushed you off it and make it look like an accident. Trust me, I'm good at that. I'm not hounding you, so why are you in my space so much? Say it to my face, the next time. I wish I could be like you. Either so oblivious or just get done and over with or just lie through your teeth. Don't be so excited yet, when everything comes crushing down, I'll be away. I'll make sure of that.

For the first time ever, I realise that I don't have someone who I can call my B. Ever since NS, I've always have someone who I can call my B and that they are single. Someone who I know that I would never get but who would always flirt and pamper me in their own weird ways. For 5, almost 6 freaking years, I had that comfort zone. Now both of my Bs are attached and I don't think I can honestly flirt with them without getting beaten up by their partners. So, I've decided.

To be void of all emotions.
The best solution.
At this moment in time, off course.

PS: Plastic Mode On

It's not as if I'm saying that I'm unhappy about the whole situation, it just so happen that i am having a rather screw up phase that I, myself am trying my best to cope with. I'm not asking you to understand me at all. Why should you even bother trying to understand me when I can't even understand myself at all. Honestly speaking, I'm not judging you at all so don't you dare judge me. I'm trying my best to be oblivious to my surroundings to just avoid getting hurt over and over again. You do not know what I'm going through right now and I absolutely have no idea what you are going through right now. And trust me when I say, I, seriously have no intention of wanting to know what you are going through at all. I'm not concern with you so why should you be concern with me right? I'm not being heartless but I'm just being practical. It's easier to be practical minus all the pretense, stripped of all the layering. Just being honest to yourself and putting yourself first. I got to be selfish right? In the end I'm living my own life, it's not like you are living my life at all. No matter how screw up all my decisions are, at least I'm taking full responsibilities for them. I'm not asking you for permission and it's not as if I'm bothering your life right? If you want to be there for me, I'm not stopping you and if I'm not there for you, don't be mad at me. I never promise that I'll be there for you in the first place at all. Don't take it to heart, I'm trying my best to be as insensitive as I can be. It's for my own best. You broke my heart, it wasn't the other way round. I volunteered to be friends with you. What happened between us was in the past so why are you still raking in it? I've moved on with my life but subconciously you are still there at the back of my head. Come on, both of us are adults. I have my own life and you have yours. So just do me this small little favour please. You stay on your side of the road while I stay on my side. Pretty please.

PS: It's not what you think it is...

I never realise that it's been quite some time since I've updated my blog. I've been wanting to update it but never gotten the chance. It's either I'm too busy, too lazy or just too stoned to update my blog. Anyway, I just felt the need to update it today but truthfully speaking, I have no idea where to start at all.

So many things have been happening lately. From the girls' outing to the "girls" night-out. I honestly am having fun. Till reality happens to walk by & just bitch-slap me in the face. Stupid reality. It just makes you realise that being single is not really as much fun as it use to be. I can honestly say that I envy those friends of mine who are currently in a relationship. Just cherish it while it last.

Anyway, if you're not around me, I'm actually ok. No issues at all. If you're around me, that's when everything starts going haywire. Now then I understand, it's ok if you don't understand.

I'm so sorry, I coming up with a surprise just for you. Trust me on this. I honestly hope that you'll love it.

As a friend, I would try my best not to judge your actions. As your friend, I'm just reminding your that there would be consequences because of your actions. As your close friend, I'm telling your that it is honestly not worth it. Just do remember that we love you more.

PS: waiting...

So, I just bought myself a Blackberry Bold 9700 Onyx. The only issue that I'm having is that I still have no freaking idea on how to use it at all. I really need to go for tutorials, if there's just a thing, on how to use a Blackberry.


I just found out an odd piece of news. Honestly speaking, I have no idea on how to re-act when I first heard it. I wanted to jump for joy, cry, scream, run around, break glasses or other things that I wanted to do but knowing fully well that I'm physically incapable of. In the end, I ran to my bathroom and just started crying till my eyes got swollen. Anyway, the news is that I can confirm go to NAFA next year. My dad can pay for it. So now, I got another one more year to prepare my portfolio. The only issue is that I have no idea where to start.


Anyway, to a rather random topic. Have you ever imagined doing it with someone who is like physically perfect in terms of his physique. I mean that's the thing, I can't remember when was the last time I came to close contact with someone whom I honestly think has a freaking hot bod. It was like freaking orgasm being able to actually come into close physical contact with someone who has an effing hot bod. Gorgeous chest, firm biceps, tight washboard abs, cute bubble butt & a hell of a hose! Even though the face was rather average, what's the point of doing a double bagger right? OMEG!!! I could just have orgasm thinking of that body again. Haiz...





Anyway, I think I'm going to be fine. It was nice of you to ask.

PS: Need to be more discipline...

No, off course I'm not okay.

I know what you said is

totally right but honestly speaking, how

do I go about fighting it.

It's a fact that in that

whole stretch of period, I never

ever did fight it at all.

I know myself, I am never

the one to lead.

I am and will always be

the one that is behind the leader.

I am always the

second in command.

I have my own theory about

being the second in command.

I'll tell you one fine day, I

obviously can't type it down

here, people have a tendency

to ask.

Furthermore, I never

believe it fighting, it never gets

you anywhere at all.

To top it off, I know it's weird

but I believe in the power and

miracles of prayers.

I know it's wrong but I honestly

don't mind if people were to step

on my head over and over again

because I'm a true blue firm

believer in Karma and I honestly

and truly pray to God that Karma

would seriously bite them in their

asses.

Trust me when I say that I'll be there

to laugh at them when it truly

happens to them.

You know that I will always have

your back but trust me when I

say that you don't have to worry

about it.

You already have enough to worry

about.

I'll find my own way in life even if

it would take me to my deathbed.

I'm going to be ok.

Thank you for worrying about me.

I am taking my own sweet time to

figure out my life.

I am in no rush.

I got no deadline.

I know it's wrong but hell, I want to be

happy with what I'm doing that's why

I am where I'm at right now.

I understand that your intention is

good but honestly speaking, just let

me worry about myself.

At times, I honestly can't be bothered

about my life but that's me.

One more thing that you make me realise,

you can't make everybody happy.

Bottomline, just make sure that

you're happy with where you are

in your life right now.

Truthfully speaking, I am not really

fully happy with where I am right now

but I'm just trying my best to make do

what is being thrown to me.

I can no longer waste my time on

breaking down every now and then.

I got to either fake my way through

it all or just become hollow, void of all

emotions.

Either way is much more easier than

breaking down.

Just to tell you, I'm almost on the

brink of insanity but my fakeness

or my hollowness, either one of

them is keeping me sane.

Just like what you said, ignorance

could honestly be a blessing.

But having been very observant for a

better part of your life, it is honestly

quite hard to be ignorant.

PS: Thank you, CW

"You said goodbye and I said hello..."



How can I not get jealous? How can I not get pissed? How can I not get confused? How can I not feel all these weird and ridiculous emotions coming up to me at one shot?

If you were being put in my situation and the way you handle it is completely different that how I handle it, then I will truly respect you and accept your decision with my head held high.

Then I realise one thing that sort of help me to ease the emotions. I came to the realization that it's just words and nothing more. No physical contacts. It's more towards hidden words. Nothing more than just a genuine expression of concern. Like they say, action speaks louder than words. So far, all you have are words and more words. Nothing more, nothing less. I initiated for a physical but typical of you, only words are all that you can give me. Surprisingly I also realise the fact that it almost comes down to nearly impossible to get physical with you, with all the rules and regulations and what-nots that comes along with it.

As much as I miss the good old days, I know that it can never be that way. I completely understand how you feel now. It's just that it is still puzzling to me that the saliva that you spit out a few months ago, why are you in such a rush to lick it back?

I'll never ever get a direct answer from you, that's for sure. For now, I'm going to try my best living my life as if I have never met you at all. Damn, it sure is fucking hard. That's life, it sure screws me up pretty badly.

PS: I'm thankful for now.

Define friendship.

In your own words, your own personal point of perspective of it.

Because I for one, would seriously really like to know your take on the meaning of the word, "friendship".

And I, at long last, have officially learn the art of giving up. I found a picture in tumblr, it states; "Sometimes, when people decide to leave you for good, you have to let them. No matter how much you don't want them to. There are some things that are far beyond our control. Even if you have the strength to fight for them, you have to accept the cold harsh truth ~ The people that you can't live without, can live without you."

Then I realise that all this while, I have been holding on to you, refusing to let you go but slowly slipping away from your grip. Today is the day that I realise that I have to let you go, I have to release my grip and just let you walk away completely from my life. No point at all forcing you to be friends with me when you don't think I'm worthy of your friendship at all right? Somebody once told me that we can't change the family that we are born into but we can definitely pick and choose our friends to be the family that we wished for. It's just my luck that I did not make it to the final round to be your friends.

So this is me saying my goodbyes to you. My honest thoughts. Nothing to hold me back. Minus the vulgarities. I was pissed off that you ditched me for a unworthy dick. I was even more pissed off that you loose your virginity to that lame-ass dick. I was effing pissed off that you make a 360 degrees change for that piece of dickhead. Then I realise that you are not doing it to me alone. You are doing it to the rest of your friends as well, I know you're going to deny it or what-so-ever. That is your opinion entirely and since this is my blog, just let me have my say. You were among the first people to hate him and her. Look at you now, you came running back to them. Well, have fun now. I honestly know that I will never be part of your life anytime soon or in the future at all. At least, I have the decency to say a final goodbye. Thank you for walking into my life for 4 years and then leaving me just like that. I appreciate all the good times and the bad times we had together. Our stupid political conversations and other random impromptu shits. Thank you very much for allowing me to be your friend even if it's just for awhile. As an ex-friend, I truly wish you all the best in life and may you and him be happy together. May you find the peace and balance that you were always longing for. Goodbye love.

And also, goodbye to you as well. Even though I know you for less that 2 years but still thank you very much for being a friend to me. Yours was a clear cut scenario of running away from me. So much for needing time to recuperate, stop coming up with lies just to cover your tracks. Let's just be honest with each other, no point beating around the bushes anymore. I mean, you actually go the extra mile just to avoid bumping into me. So, this is me telling you that you got nothing to worry anymore. If you ever bump into me outside, you can ignore me for all I care. You can even act as if you don't know me at all. You don't even have to acknowledge me. For all I can tell right now, you no longer treat me as one of your friend at all. It seems I am not worthy to be your friends. I don't mind, not one bit at all. This is me thanking you for being there for me, for allowing me to be your friend in the past. So thank you & goodbye love.

Just for the fun of it. Accept the fact that you're not part of the family and please walk away with your head held up high. Don't dissed me or my friends. That's just plain low of you. Just leave things the way they are. As much as you think that you desperately need your closure, Ihonestly think that you're not ever going to get it.

This is where I am in my life. I am not goint to hold grudges or what-nots, I am just going to let things happen. I would just be grateful that you walk into my life. I'll cherish the moments we will spend together. You are more than welcome to make friends with me. Be close friends with me. Then leave me behind when you found a so-called "better" friend. By all means, just do it.

Here's my "Thank you" & my "Good-bye", just in case I didn't get to say it to you personally.





PS: Trying to uncomplicate things.

Someone asked me if I was dating you.


I laughed to myself.


How I desperately wished I was.


Alas, reality is way harsher than fantasy. I have come to terms with reality, my reality. It's just that I'm having issues with my fantasy or more likely, with my subconscious. It's not funny at all when you're the first thing that comes to my mind when I wake up in the morning. And you also happen to be the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep at night. And you want to know what's even more screw up, I've been having 5 dreams about you throughout the month of March. Desperation is so not a pretty sight. I am honestly trying my best down here to suppress any feelings that I have for you. You have no idea how desperate I am to see you to get hook-up with someone else so that it will force me to move on with my life. It's a fact, no matter how much I want it, me and you would never happen. I'm just not your type. I'm just a friend to you, nothing more and nothing less.


Furthermore, my perspective on love and relationship is way different than yours. To me, my family comes first, follow by my friends, then my career and lastly, my partner. To be truthful, depending on what career I have. From what I know about you, you are the clingy type, so I'm not sure as to how it will go about. For me, I know that I'm ready for a relationship where you don't have to be there for each other physically but rather emotionally. Strangely, it sounds more like a long distance relationship. I know it's weird but that's what I look for in a relationship. As much as I want you to be the one for me and vice versa, but honestly, what's the point of forcing something right?


Someone once told me that his definition of love was to love someone regardless of the person's feelings for him. He would love her no matter what. He would always make her smile. He would always be there for her. He would always keep her safe. He would always try his best to provide for her. He would always listen to her every whim. He would always cherish every moment spend with her. Even though if she doesn't love him at all.


I am this close to becoming that for your sake but decidedly know that I don't have that much strength to do it. I am getting more and more irritated with myself for getting into this mess. Nothing new, I always fall in love with the guys that I know I can never get. Furthermore, it's not like you read my blog at all.

PS: my body is aching...

First and foremost, congratulations to
all the impressive dancers, emcees and
performers who make the show a huge
success. Thank you so very much for
making me part of this really memorable
event. It was a blast getting to know you
guys and seeing you guys in action.

Offstage, you guys are a crazy bunch of
fun individuals. On stage, you guys dance
as if you were being possessed and seriously
am dancing for your life. I have the utmost
respect for each and everyone of you guys
for your dancing capabilities. Looking forward
to see your future performances and be part
of it again.

PS: Just so you know, I have always been here waiting for you.

I just came to the realisation that it might be true but I am going to clear up something first for the sake of certain people out there.

- First and foremost, my life doesn't revolves around you.
- Secondly, it is not about you but it is about you. *pointing to you*
- Thirdly, you think you know someone, you have no idea what they are capable of.
- Fourthly, I am much more observant than you give me credit for.
- Fifthly, I just pretend to be a bimbo.
- Sixthly, I am way more cunning that you think I am.
- Seventh, It is always about me since it is either my way or drop dead. *winking to you*
- Eighth, This is the god damn fucking Tiger year, this is my fucking year! KAPISH?!?!

People always say, "Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer but with friends like these, honestly, who needs enemies right?" Don't do things to others if you do not want it to happen to you. Do you honestly think that you can trust your friends? Heads-up. Your so-called close group of friends is literally bitching about you behind your back. At least, I bitch about you to your face and you dislike me for that. Those people that you are calling your best friends and the ones that you think you can rely on, are actually bitching about you. How do you think those rumours started? From me? I honestly go no time to start some lame rumours about your pathetic existence. I only love to keep track of the rumours and find out the source of it. It's not that I got no life, but I sort of am liking the fact that your life is going downhill after all the things that I have done for you and what you did to me. Karma is a bitch and I don't even have to do anything. Life is fucking war, what's the point of bearing stupid pointless grudges when in the end, all of us would still drop dead. I seek for your forgiveness and you said you did forgive me. Is by alienating me, means you forgave me? Well, if it is then you sure have a weird sense of what's right and what's wrong. I am just giving you a friendly reminder to better watch your attitude. If honestly, you think you can trust your close group of friends, think again. They are telling other people stuffs about you without even anyone asking. Change your attitude if you don't want to lose your 9-years of close friends. Just reminding, that's all. Oh ya, by the way, just randomly asking you. Why the fuck did you even think that I was talking about you to him? Honestly speaking, you're no longer important in my life. We are just acquaintance. Stupid moron. Always remember to ask, never assume anything unless you are actually guilty of it. Are you? Anyway, you will only make an ass out of yourself. Stop trying to be something that you are not and trust me when I say that everytime that you think you are one step ahead of me, I am and will always be two steps ahead of you. We have so-called friends in common, don't you know that? And furthermore, I have OCD and ADD. Don't even think of trying to put your feet in the water, you never know what might get you. Fyi, your reputation on the streets is really not looking that well.

By the way, I am so excited about Valentine's Day. =D

Thank you very much.

PS: smiling to myself!

Honestly speaking, for someone who is not working

I sure have a very busy schedule.

Ala socialite, a very broke socialite.

Every weekend, it seems that I always have plans.

Anyway, I just realise something.

Well, to me it is quite important.

I realise that now I know who are

the people that I need in my life

and the people that I want in my life.

I should just focus all my energy on

the people that I need and screw-it

with the people that I want. From

the looks of it, I have very few people

that I truly need in my life. Deep

down, I know that I would be nothing

without them.

So, to them, Thank you.

fyi, I'm not referring to you.

=)

How do you move on when deep down, your heart told you that, that person is the love of your life, your other half, your soulmate? While on the other hand, that person has actually move on with his/her life. Now you found out that he/she is engaged and truly happy. As the saying goes, "If you love someone, you would let them go and if they come back then they are meant for you." We did let them go, the only issue is that we never did get over them. On the outside, we put on a facade that we are alright and moving on with our wonderful life. Upon being alone, all the demons start coming back and banging on that bloody door. That's the fuck-up thing. How do we really move on from that? By hating them? By denying their existence? By doing what exactly?

Honestly speaking, I got no answers for those questions. I, myself, admit that I have never moved on from you but I have learnt to accept the truth. The truth is that you will never love me as much as you love her. I could never hate you, I could never deny your very existence. Some of the very best time of my life was being spent with you. I would never erase that memory. But do you have any idea that I am hurting badly down here seeing you so happy with her. After what I have been through with you, I admit that it wasn't perfect but it was truly beautiful while it lasted. I just didn't expect you to leave such a huge emotional void in me. I'll try my very best to be happy for you. Just so you know, i truly did love you. Still do. =]
fyi: it's not me...

Thank you for allowing

me to express myself

freely towards you.

Hell, it took me a lot of

courage but I am truly

happy that I let it all out.

PS: weba =)