on cloud nine...

he called me "sayang"...OMIGOD!!! my heart skipped a beat & my face blushed like crazy...like a freaking baboon's ass...hehehe...

still blushing!!!

so much anger & sadness...

i nvr did realise it...but i seriously have lots of anger & sadness bottled up in me...for the past few weeks...i jus feel alot of hatred to pratically all my frenz...i kinda of hate them for nearly everything...especially my collegues...one of them in particular...everytime i see him, feel like i jus wanna take an axe & chopped him up into a million pieces & jus feed him to the wild boars in tekong...then, there's the other asshole who lyke constantly getting off...buat keje tak seberapa...mintak off melebih-lebih...wat a fucking fat asshole...got another idiot who can't be ordered around...a psychopath in the waiting...an officer who is a major pain in my butt...i dunnoe...i jus kinda of feel angry at every1 around me...i feel angry at them for ignoring me...i feel angry at them for talking to me...i jus dunt even noe wat going on wit me rite nw...for the past few weeks i feel all sorts of emotions cuming back...i totally feel my mind shut down at werk...almost everyday...its like i feel as if i wake up everyday with nothing in my skull xcept for cobwebs & dusts...den b4 i noe it, i wld jus feel sad...not for ani1...but for myself...i sympathize myself for reasons i dare not say...ah, screw it...i tink i m too naive & patient for my own good...i tink tat every1 is stepping over my head...i dunnoe how to xplain it but ya, tatz how i feel...i dunnoe...i jus feel lost again...

my drawings...

jus decided to put up my drawings...
drew them whenever i feel a strong emotion overcoming me...
i shocked tat i can even draw at all...
ahahaha...
here's my crappy drawings...

my crushes...

hmmm...
i kinda of got lots of crushes in tekong...
since im like always there 24/7...
haiz...
constantly daydreaming down there...
& everydae see my crushes...
hehe...
but out of all my crushes...
onli 6 of them tat i can nvr get over...

zAkI => mr. cUtE
my 1st crush...
the 1st time i saw him was during my BMT at 'Leopard'...
i didn't even noe tat he was a sergeant there...
he look so cute...
very mummy's boy...
ahaha...
found out he was a sergeant for another platoon...
aft my BMT, i got posted to tekong...
den grew closer to him...
always tease & talk rubbish wit me...
& i kept calling him 'kiki'...
everytime bump into him, he wld count hw many days he left before he ord...
nw, he is clearing his leave...
kinda of miss his chubby cheeks, his accent & his crappiness...


h0snI => mr. pErfEct
my biggest crush ever!!!
i just think tat he is lyke perfect in everyway...
he is lyke tall...
has a cute butt...
average body...
sexy goatee...
gorgeous face...
wicked tattoos...
charming personality...
he is lyke a major turn-on for me...
everytime i see him, i blush lyke crazy...
which is lyke everydae since me & him r in the same dept...
hehehe...
can have orgasm just tinking bout him...
oh ya, huge balls...[ accidentally grabbed them ]
but he is now in prison...
major idiot !!!


khAIrUl => mr. h0t
he is from 'Viper' coy...
the storeman...
actualli saw him b4 at ite tamp...
oreadi got a huge crush on him back then...
fate brought us together...
ahahaha...fucking crap!!!
niwae,
he is lyke so hot!
gorgeous body...
washboard abs...
cute butt...
super duper fair!
& very metrosexual...
love flirting wit him...
he is lyke my part-time lover...
everytime i see him, i jus melt...
loves hugging him...
hey! he allows it...
ahahaha....


hAIkAl => mr. prEtty
i have a huge crush on him bcoz of his smile...
i jus think tat he has the most perfect smile ever...
& he is a gentleman...
very sweet & polite...
always talks to me nicely...
kinda of weird ah...
but im not complaining...
hehe...
& he has a flawless face...
its lyke so friggin clean...
no pimples, no scars, no acnes...
& he is lyke fucking fair!
lyke the male version of snow white...
i jus love staring at him...
so pretty...
can never get tired of staring at him...
alas, we rarely talk...


hElmI => mr. sExy
everyting bout him is just sexy...
everytime i see him...
all i can tink bout is making love to him...
he is lyke a friggin sex machine...
just slot in some loose change...
& let him do the rest...
everytime he holds my waist or my hands or hugs me...
i get erection...
if he was ever to strip in front of me...
i wld have a friggin orgasm for weeks or months...
aaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!


shEIkh => mr. g0rgE0Us
he is 'Pegasus' clerk...
thot he was a sergeant at first...
he has the most gorgeous face in tekong...
he don't look lyke a singaporean at all...
there is lyke a mixture of middle-east & europe in him...
so handsome...
his facial features are lyke perfect...
so gorgeous...
i cld just drop dead by looking at it...
but nah, i did not...
still survive...
never did talk to him before...
but his company storemen noes tat i have a crush on him...
always teasing him...
pity him...
ahaha...

how i wish that either one of them wld be my boyfriend...
but all of them are straight...
so fucked up! i always fall for straight guys...
dunnoe y so cocked up!

popularity...

im actually popular...
ahaha...
i wld nvr say tat im famous...
if i m, the whole of singapore wld have known me...
the thing bout it is tat...
eversince i cld remember...
i've always wanted to be tat some1 tat every1 knows...

since kindergarden...
i have always wanted to be the popular kid tat every1 envys...
who have everything tat he cld ever asked for...

in primary school...
i was the nobody...
i was a geek in specs...
every1 walk right thru me...
no1 notices me xcept for my close frenz...
i watch in envy as my frenz make frenz with kids from other classes...
while i was confined to making frenz within my class...
i was terrified at not being accepted for who i m...

in secondary school...
i was just an average guy...
still a nerd...
but i was coming out wit my sexuality...
but people noticed me for my work & my mouth...
i had a tendency to just continuously blabber my mouth off...
which was kinda of cool...
but i was nvr in the popular crowd...
i was just an extra...

in ite
i nearly became the popular kid...
but nvr was...
i was comfortable wit myself being gay...
so was some of my frenz...
so was my god sis...
i was always wit her...
we always go everywhere together...
she, being drop-dead gorgeous...
people noticed her off course...
me?
i was always referred to as...
"the guy who wears specs & catwalks with ica"
every1 labelled me as that...
so screw up...

nw in ns...
im known as the gay boy of tekong...
every1 noes me...
the weird thing is tat every1 accepts me for who i m...
every storemen noes me...
every RP noes me...
every driver noes me...
the whole of PT SSU noes me...
most of the perm staff noes me too...
the whole of Leopard company noes me...
same goes for Gryphon...
thanks to casey for tat...
other than tat, most of the recruits don't know me...
my reputation for being gay excedes me...
im not even sure im supposed to be happy bout it...
i noe its what i have always wanted...
but now?
im not so sure animore...
im not sure as to whether they r laughing with me or at me...

popularity is a two way thing...
it cld be good...
bt at the same time,
itz horrible...

nw, itz both...
bt im beginning to hate it more & more as the days passed by...