Recap

I'm grateful for 2025. 

Finance

I did slightly better than last year. I calculated and I did spent about $1,000 more than last year on my credit card, but I am able to constantly pay back my credit card debt accordingly. And also, I spent about $8,000 on company expenses, which was reimburse back. In Shaa' Allah, I will manage my finance better for next year since my priority is to go for Umrah next year.

Monthly Goals: I achieved all my monthly financial goals for 2025.

1.  January - Pay credit card debt. ✔️
2.  February - Pay credit card debt & set aside for Hari Raya. ✔️
3.  March - Pay credit card debt & set aside for Hari Raya. ✔️
4.  April - Buy Bangkok flight ticket & book hotel for December.  Pay credit card debt. ✔️
5.  May - Pay credit card debt. ✔️
6.  June - Buy Bangkok flight ticket & book hotel for December. Pay credit card debt. ✔️
7.  July - Pay credit card debt. Buy Bangkok flight ticket. ✔️
8.  August - Pay credit card debt. Book hotel for December. ✔️ 
9.  September - Pay credit card debt. ✔️ 
10.  October - Pay credit card debt. Book Bangkok activities. ✔️ 
11.  November - Pay credit card debt. ✔️ 
12.  December - Pay credit card debt. 1 week birthday trip to Bangkok. ✔️ 

Travel

I only went to Bangkok this year. 8 days and 7 nights in Bangkok is pretty much a trip well spent. Being realistic, I could only afford 1 trip this year, which I am really grateful for. As usual, I will always have fun in Bangkok, even though this is the 4th time going there. There are always new things and places for me to explore. And every time I came back to Singapore, I realised that they are certain things that I had missed out on when I was there. And I'm already looking at the dates, hotels and new activities for my next trip to Bangkok in 2026. In Shaa' Allah, I will get to go Bangkok again next year.

Career

Next year February will be 2 years working in this company. Do I love this job? Absolutely no. Do I like this job? Surprisingly yes. The things that I have been doing here, have allowed me to expand my portfolios and be more responsible in my decision-making skills. Am I annoyed by certain things? Yes, but it is out of my control so I just accept it as it is. I don't see the point in making things unnecessary complicated, which surprisingly happens quite a lot. It is mostly due to the different working styles of a German and a Singaporean. I am beginning to just let things be. As usual, I have set a deadline for myself, 5 years target, we shall see how in February 2029, if there is a future for me to stay. In Shaa' Allah, I will be fine and achieve my target in 3 years' time.

Hobbies

This is just getting from bad to worse. I have not drawn anything since May 2024. And to top it off, GMMTV have around 35 BL couples, which honestly excites me to draw all of them. The only issue is that I have not found the perfect pictures for all the couples. Hopefully it will be soon or I might just draw something else. We shall see. I just bought 7 more BL books so now I have 31 BL books to which I have only completed reading 1 book. I really need to start reading the books. I'm still too distracted from reading my online light novels and my manhua/manhwa/manga/webtoons. And I'm still watching at minimum 10 TV shows at any one time. Previously my go-to TV shows to watch was always 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine' but now, I'm obsessed with 'Abbott Elementary'. Basically, I'm switching in between these 2 shows when I don't want to think.

On the plus side, I posted 3 plot outlines on archiveofourown, based off the BL and GL couples of GMMTV. And I have 7 more plots to be posted, with a lot of tweaking and rewriting. Let's hope I will come up with more plots. In Shaa' Allah, I will start back on all my hobbies again if possible.

Health

Started going to the gym again. And I am so happy to say that I have dropped from 76.6kg to 72kg. 4.6kg within a period of 6 months, and this is me just doing the bare minimum of 2 times to the gym and playing around. I need to focus so that I can hit my goal of losing 10kg. My health has been surprisingly great this year, for which I am grateful for. I have only taken MC twice and one of them was because I was feeling lazy to go to work. Other than that, I am doing my best to take care of my skin, with my 4-step morning skincare routine and my 6-step night skincare routine. In Shaa' Allah, I will in better health next year, I will lost the remaining 5.2kg and my skin will glow.

Birthday

I had a great time celebrating my 39th birthday. I went to Bangkok for 8 days and 7 nights. I went to a shooting range and went to the highest spot in Bangkok to celebrate. I got my trip, I got my books and I got my Prada bracelet. In Shaa' Allah, I will do a nice celebration for my 40th birthday next year.

In Shaa' Allah, I will make 2026 a much better year than 2025. I need to be more discipline and strict on myself. Alhamdulillah for 2025.

Hangga't makitid ang kumot, matutong mamaluktot

Hangga't makitid ang kumot, matutong mamaluktot (Filipino) - When the blanket is short, learn to curl up.

Learn to adjust to your circumstances.

Honestly, I have nothing much to update. Work is busy. I had my appraisal with my boss and my HR director separately. It lasted 1 hour and 30 minutes with my boss, it got cut short because one of our colleagues, needed to use the meeting room. As for my session with my HR director, it lasted 45 minutes. I am pleased that both of the sessions went quite well and it gives me the confident to negotiate for a higher increment in March. 

I am flying off to Bangkok in several hours time. I am excited for my itinerary as always though I really hope that I don't exceed my budget like last year. And it will be my first time celebrating my birthday in Bangkok. 

Other than that, my life is pretty much chill, I guess. Or rather, I'm in denial about certain things and am trying my best not to manifest it until it's an issue. 

In Shaa' Allah, everything will be fine.

Ojo rumongso biso nanging bisoho rumongso

Ojo rumongso biso nanging bisoho rumongso (Javanese) - Don't just assume you're smart or skilled. Instead, be skilled in awareness.

True strength isn't showing off. It's the ability to feel, to sense, to notice.

This past month, time flies by quickly. I'm trying to recap back what I have been doing this past 1 month but it feels like I didn't do much but at the same time, I did a lot of things as well.

Work is fine. I was told that I would be covering for the Head of a department in Hamburg. Not his entire role but one of his responsibility, which is Sanction Checks. So basically, I will be in charge of Sanction Checks until mid-January 2026. I know what to do, which is just to produce the results of my research and checks. Now, they want to me advice the brokers as well on any Sanctions issues. Honestly, I am just bullshitting my way through and at the same time, having a crash course on Marine Insurance broking. For the next 2-3 months, it will be busy period for me. I really need to sort out my thoughts and make sure that my work are in order, both for HR and Compliance. I got this.

Gym is fine. Well, I got exactly 1 month to drop another 2kg. I dropped from 76.6kg to 72.4kg in a span of 5 months. And that is me doing the bare minimum and skipping gym sessions because I need my sleep more. I will lose that 2kg.

Catching up on my 10 Thai TV series, 3 Japanese TV series, 2 Korean dramas & 1 Taiwanese drama. There's like 10 Thai BL shows for me to watch, and 5 of them have completed their runs on TV while the other 5 are still ongoing. Then there's a Samurai drama & 2 BL dramas to catch up on, and all 3 of them are ongoing. Then there's 2 Korean dramas that are currently quite hype up and one of them has my favourite Korean singer acting in it, so I need to watch it. Lastly, there's a Taiwanese drama with my favourite Taiwanese actor in it. And I found out that there's a part 2 to the series, which I have no idea when they will release. So many shows to watch, so little time.

Lastly, I have finished planning for my upcoming birthday trip to Bangkok. I guess last year's Bangkok trip was more free and easy. I got tired after my 2-weeks Hamburg trip in June and I was more excited about my 10-days Tokyo trip in October. Pretty much my 1-week Bangkok trip in August was quite chill and half the trip, I just randomly explore the surrounding area of wherever I was at. But this upcoming trip, I'm quite excited since I am going to 3 different immersive exhibition. It's the trend now ever since TeamLab made it popular, now more and more exhibitions and museums have an immersive experience as part of the gallery. I'm also getting my hair done, colouring it and also cutting it. I've did not cut my hair since May this year and honestly, I just looked haggard right now. I'm excited to do something to my hair. And I also found out that Bangkok has a shooting range, so I booked a package with 3 different guns. Looking forward to my trip.

In Shaa' Allah, everything will be fine.

Mais vale um pássaro na mão do que dois a voar

Mais vale um pássaro na mão do que dois a voar (Portuguese) - A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

It is better to have something secure, even if it's small, than to risk it for something potentially bigger but uncertain.

Hobby

Apparently I had a burst of inspiration. I came up with 7 BLs and GLs plots based of the existing GMMTV couples. It has been too long since I wrote fan-fictions and obviously I have lost touch with the flow of words. Updating my blog doesn't count since I am just translating my own personal thoughts into words. Writing fan-fictions is trying to think from multiple viewpoints so that there's a flow to the whole story telling rather than just word vomit. And the last time I published a fan-fiction story was back in 2019. It has been 6 years.

Now, I had published my first BL/GL plot last month, a 27 episodes series, outlining each episode. I originally wanted to go all out into all the details - like a 5,000 word count per episode, but truth be told, I don't have the concentration and discipline to be hardcore about my writing like I used to be. Though I am confident enough to write out the outlines for all 7 plots that I have. 

And I did published my second plot at the start of the month, a 16 episode series, outlining each episode. I mean you never know but a producer from GMMTV might accidentally come across it and get interested in it. I can always hope for.

2nd-6th October, Thursday-Monday - Singapore Grand Prix F1

Wrote a whole post dedicated to it.

12th October, Sunday - Jeff Satur Red Giant Concert

Finally, I got to see my favourite singer, second only to Adele, obviously. Honestly, I'm annoyed that I didn't get better seats. I know that he is popular in SEA but to only give him a 1,600 seats concert hall is just so unfair. This is for a guy who went to 10 different countries to perform to meet the demands of his fans and he performed 2 days at Impact Arena Bangkok to more than 20,000 fans.

The first time he performed in Singapore was in February 2023 at Gateway theatre, that has 922 seats only. I only found out about the event like back in January and tickets were fully sold out. The second time, he was here in March 2024 at Capitol Theatre, that has 977 seats. I wanted to buy the ticket to the show but I was busy with work and when I had the time (which was about 2 hours later) the tickets were completely sold out. This time round, I had to seat in front of my laptop and tried to get the ticket, which took me more than an hour. 1,600 seats and the tickets were all sold out within a couple of hours.

Anyway, I had loads of fun and he sang my favourite song of his - 'Almost Over You'. The show lasted approximately 1 hour and 40 minutes and he performed more than 10 songs plus 'Die With A Smile'. Let's just say I will figure out how to get tickets to his Bangkok show the next time. Sitting around and not dancing at a concert is just so restrictive. I really want to stand up and dance. 

I doubt that he will come back for a concert in 2026 since he should be busy shooting 2 series soon. So most probably he will release his next album in 2027, followed by a tour. I will have time to save up to hopefully purchase a VIP ticket to his Bangkok concert.

It was a good month. Tiring but good. 

Alhamdulillah.

F1

"There comes a time in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book or simply close it." - Shannon L. Alder

This entire post will be dedicated to F1.

I had the pleasure of returning back to work for F1 after a 5-year break. I started working for F1 back in 2013, as a Secretariat crew member, we combined both the VIP and General acts as one at Swissotel The Stamford. In 2014, it was split into 2 Secretariat team - with the VIP team at Swissotel and the General team at Concorde Hotel. I was still a VIP Secretariat Crew member. In 2015, I became the General lead and was based at Concorde Hotel. In 2016, I was again the General lead. Then in 2017 till 2019, I got 'promoted' and was the VIP lead and was parked at JW Marriott Hotel Singapore South Beach. 

7 years working for F1 as part of the Secretariat crew for the Entertainment Team was one of the best experience ever in my working life. I've got to work with like-minded people who are heavily involved in the events industry. I was a fresh graduate with a degree in Arts Management and since I paid for my own studies, I was hell-bent in making a living using my degree. To be honest, it was crazy and exhilarating to work with all these experienced people and just absorb everything from them. There were endless unnecessary dramas but at the same time, it was fast-paced and easily resolved. Seeing all these experienced people working efficiently and being quick on their feet is easily one of the reasons that I keep coming back.

And over the years, it is because of them that I was able to get other event jobs and be more exposed to the industry. I have built friendships and trust with them, making it easy to work with them. And whenever I get an event job and have to work with a few of them, I know their styles and they know mine thus making it easier and fun to deal with them. And it further validates me that even if they have a job that they are not a part of, they still recommend me.

2020 and 2021, F1 was cancelled. Then in 2022, when I got called up for it, I had to reject it since I got converted into a full-time government worker and the hassle behind requesting for an approval to do a side job is too much. Same goes for 2023. In 2024, I got a full-time job in a private sector and did not want to risk it until I know my situation in the company well. 

Now in 2025, I'm back.

So many thoughts and emotions going through me. I'm back as a VIP Secretariat Crew member. I guess the best way to describe my whole experience is that it is the same but it is not the same anymore. I got to see a few familiar faces and if I was to breakdown in numbers, out of the 67 artistes liaison officers there, I only know about 15 of them that I have had the pleasure of working with during my past F1 years. So many new faces, so many fresh and young new faces. Then in the overall group chat for the Entertainment team - which includes everyone from the artistes liaison officer team, the hospitality team, buggy & porter team, and secretariat & transport team - I realized that I only know about 27 people out of almost 150 people. Truth be told, I was really nervous, working with so many new people.

I mean, when you come back year after year, people will consider you as the senior of the group but now that you have been gone for 5 years, your status is stuck between senior and newbie. Senior because of your past experiences while newbie because after 5 years, a lot of things have changed. To be honest, the 15 people that I had to work with again are so experienced and opinionated, it's easy to get things moving forward constantly. I was nervous because I did not want to overstep my boundaries of working with these many fresh faces.

It was tough holding my tongue and trying my best not to take charge. Nothing much has changed over the years, other than the minor procedures, other than that, the problems are all the same as back then. Because you are constantly working with different people, the same problems keep cropping up over and over again as it was their first time experiencing the situation or problems. But when you are working with the experienced ones, they completely have their own style which they are confident of and you got nothing to worry about. Overall, my biggest problem - well, it's not really my problem but more of an overall problem for the entire team - it was that at least 75% of the VIP ALOs are people pleaser and do not know how to lie or be firm towards their artistes. It just irks me so bad seeing how something that is simple and these youngsters are making them overly complicated by giving in to the whims.

One of the many things that I love about working for F1 is that, most of the decisions made by these ALOs have immediate effect to other teams. An example would be how giving in to the artist requesting to change schedule would affect the movement of the transports, the limited holding area meant for other artistes and the movement of other artistes, among other things. You can see the domino effect almost instantly as the hospitality team, the buggy team, the porter team and the transport team scrambling about to accommodate because the ALO decided to say yes. Thus, it was so annoying that I kept seeing it happening over and over again throughout the 3 days.

Now comes the age old question - do I want to come back again next year? If I actually did F1 back in 2022 and continued the momentum, I will honestly consider coming back over and over again. But because I took a paused for 3 years, I have lost that chemistry and that feeling. I did feel like an outsider and was only comfortable when I was able to hang out with my usual group. I know that it will take time but right now, it's a 60% not interested in returning, 30% maybe and 10% outright no. Knowing me, I will change my mind again when the invite comes next year March or April.

In Shaa' Allah, everything will be fine.

Chaa chaa dai phraa lem ngaam

Chaa chaa dai phraa lem ngaam (Thai) - Slowly, slowly, you get a beautiful knife.

A reminder that patience leads to the best results. Not to rush things. Take my time to understand as much as possible before making a decisive decision.

Work

September is a really busy month for my office. I'm not really that involve but as HR - "Internal Operations", I need to know pretty much very thing that is going on with the office.

The Greeks colleagues from our Athens office and the owner of the company came to the office. The Greeks were here for 3 days while the owner was here for 6 days. Then 5 of our German colleagues from the Hamburg office came down for the IUMI Convention at Sentosa from Monday to Wednesday. Due to the success of the event, we had 7 meetings with potentials spread out on Thursday and Friday. Then Friday night, there was a MarineTime One Scholarship ceremony, which I attended with my CEO as we awarded a scholarship to our intern. 

Then next week, 2 of my German colleagues and 2 of my local office colleagues will be going to KL for 2 days to meet up with potential clients and contacts. The following week, my French colleague from the Hamburg colleague will drop by the local office for a week, to prepare for his transfer. He will be posted to the local office for the next 2 years, with effect from October onwards, though I'm not sure of his start date. Also, there's another 2 day convention, a half-day seminar and a networking event during the same week. There's also a couple of dinner meetings with clients along the 2 weeks.

I just want September to be over but on the plus side, I honestly feel that I have more things to say and leverage on during my appraisal.

In Shaa' Allah, I will be able to get what I am targeting at.

BTO Applications

So it was another unsuccessful attempt at applying for a BTO.

• First time, it was back in February 2022. I applied for Tengah BTO and I was unsuccessful.
• Second time, it was in March 2022 via the Open Booking of Flats exercise. Apparently, the remark stated that I did not attend the flat selection appointment. If I remembered correctly, 1 day before my appointment, I received the text stating that all the flats were selected.
• Third time, it was in November 2022. I remembered that my number was 1,057 and there was only 600 units so I didn't bothered arranging for an appointment since there was a difference of almost 400 applicants. But apparently, now HDB stated that there was 16 units available by the time it was my turn.
• Fourth time, it was in May 2023 and I got the queue number of 1,052. There was around 400 units. I pretty much wrote it to cancel my application because I thought I could apply for the next batch of BTO. After that, then I received the notification stating that I could not apply for the next batch until the process for the May 2023 batch was completed.
• Fifth time, it was in October 2024. I applied for Bedok BTO and I was unsuccessful.
• Sixth time, it was in February 2025. I applied for Tampines under the Sales of Balance Flats exercise and I was unsuccessful.
• Seventh time, the most recent, it was in July 2025. I applied for Tampines BTO and I was unsuccessful again.

The next BTO exercise is in October 2025, I will applied for the Bedok area. Based on the maps, it is in between Bedok MRT station and Bedok North MRT station. It is also 9 mins walking distance from Masjid Al-Ansar. 

In Shaa-Allah, I will get it.

Gosaeng kkeute nagi onda

Gosaeng kkeute nagi onda (Korean) - At the end of hardship comes happiness.

At the end of the day, the mess that I got myself into and struggling to get out of, I am finally able to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Monthly Goals

I am doing well so far. I have hit 8 out of my 12 goals. 

1.  January - Pay credit card debt. ✔️
2.  February - Pay credit card debt & set aside for Hari Raya. ✔️
3.  March - Pay credit card debt & set aside for Hari Raya. ✔️
4.  April - Buy Bangkok flight ticket & book hotel for December.  Pay credit card debt. ✔️
5.  May - Pay credit card debt. ✔️
6.  June - Buy Bangkok flight ticket & book hotel for December. Pay credit card debt. ✔️
7.  July - Pay credit card debt. Buy Bangkok flight ticket. ✔️
8.  August - Pay credit card debt. Book hotel for December. ✔️ 
9.  September - Pay credit card debt.
10.  October - Pay credit card debt. Book Bangkok activities.
11.  November - Pay credit card debt.
12.  December - Pay credit card debt. 1 week birthday trip to Bangkok.

18th July, Friday - GDIBA Summer Party

As part of the company's tradition, they will always have a summer party within the first month of their summer holidays. This year, we went to Sentosa for GoKart racing, followed by dinner at +Twelve. I have so much to lament about but I won't since it's not worth it. Anyway, I learned that I am a safety driver. We played 3 rounds of GoKart at HyperDrive, each round is 8 laps and all 3 rounds, I was in last place. While everyone was speeding around, I was taking my own sweet time pacing myself ensuring that I did not bump into the curb. Other than the first round that I bump and pretty much block everyone, I was good but slow.

Then followed by dinner and drinks at +Twelve. Honestly, the elevated cabana area with their respective mini-pools facing the beach and seeing the sunset is just gorgeous. The food was mediocre and the crowd was just disappointing. There were like 12 elevated cabanas there and only 5 were occupied with 2 of them having a party of 10 and the remaining 3 was only like groups of 4 people. And then the beach lounge area with all the daybeds are pretty much empty. I was surprised by how laid-back it was considering that it was supposed to be a beach/party club.

I wrapped it up by saying that I'm watching a movie and went off by 10.45pm while most of them went off to continue with their karaoke session. I had fun and now, I need to start looking for next year's options.

19th July, Saturday - Night Safari Surprise

I have respect for Haikal. It was been so long since I have seen any of my friends going all out for their partner. Basically, Haikal booked a 3 days 2 nights stay at Mandai Rainforest Hotel to celebrate Aidah's birthday, which comes with a pair of complimentary tickets to Night Safari, Bird Paradise & Zoo. 

On the first day, he planned with some of us to surprise Aidah at Night Safari. It was Nazron, Netty, Fana, her son, Taufik and me, so that's 6 of us that he paid our tickets for. And it was also my first time going to the Night Safari. Even though it was humid that night, we had loads of fun and only went back around 3 in the morning. On the second day, it was for her immediate family - her parents, siblings & their partners & kids - almost 15 people. And he paid for all of them. Both outings was a surprised for Aidah.

Anyway, I also got kind of excited to get Aidah a birthday present, I ended up spending almost $500 buying things from Bath & Body Works, Lush, Sephora & Kinokuniya. I was trying to make a DIY Spa kit for her, that I just got body scrubs, massage bar and tons of face masks for both Haikal and her too use it together.

2nd August, Saturday - Dinner at Tokyo Shokudo Hotpot Buffet

Our annual dinner plans with Aidah and Haikal. Pretty much, we only meet up about 3 times a year ever since the 2 of them got together. It will be one for fasting month, one for her birthday, then one around November or December. The place was warm and the food was okay but honestly, the cheap price justify the ambience of the whole thing. Then we went to Coffee Bean at East Coast and just hang out till past midnight.

9th August, Saturday - National Day Celebration

Originally, Syima said that Iman wanted to barbecue for us for Hari Raya gathering which all of us disagree to it. Then her gathering ended up with her inviting her cousins and a few of her friends. I found out that Iman actually loves to barbecue so I just suggested to her to do another gathering at her house on National Day.

Well, it ended up with her being busy and all over the place. I mean it was the 2nd time that she played host and can tell that she was trying. Compared to the rest of us who have played host numerous times that we know how to do the prep work and entertain the guests. 

It was nice but honestly, the thought of going to Queenstown just to hang out is exhausting for me.

Bangkok Trip

I have booked both my flight ticket and my hotel. And both are rather on impulse since I booked a business class ticket and a suite. But either way, the total cost is still way cheaper that my Dior backpack. Now it's time to start planning my itinerary. I have already splurge like crazy last year so I can't afford to spend too much this time round. I have to keep my budget simple.

In Shaa' Allah, everything will be fine.

Qiān lǐ zhī xíng, shǐ yú zú xià

Qiān lǐ zhī xíng, shǐ yú zú xià (Chinese) - The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

Everything is about taking that first step forward. 

HDB Things

My 2nd sister finally got a house in Tampines. A process that took so long, a couple of years actually but now, she has 2 houses - one in Singapore and one in JB, Malaysia. So she is paying for the Singapore house while her husband is paying for the JB house. At the end of the day, all I can do is pray and wish the best for them on managing 2 properties in this current age with just a salaryman's pay. 

Because of that, it got my mom into the mood to sell off the current house. She wanted to downgrade to a 3-bedroom HBD since it will just be the four of us - my parents, my youngest brother and myself. But sadly, after checking and appealing to HBD, we found out that my parents do not have enough CPF for their retirement thus they are not able to sell the house.

Thus I suggested to buy a resale under my name with both of them staying with me, which will allow them to sell off the house. After the HDB calculation, I am able to afford a 3-bedroom HDB but my dad was saying that he is willing to top-up so that we could still buy a 4-bedroom HDB. The only issue is that the purchase of the new house and the sale of the current house have to happen at the same time, due to my lack of finance. 

It was obvious that my mom really wants to shift house and it was mainly because she wants it to be nearer to the mosque so that she can just walk over for her classes. But at the same time, I honestly do not want to give her too much hope. 

Anyway, after much discussion, my parents say that they will look into this again after my 2nd sister shifted out of our house in September. Thus, my parents told me to go ahead and apply for the July BTO and since the result will be out in September, we will discuss it again then.

Working Out

So it has been a month since I started working out. I have had 8 sessions with my trainer and I have been to the gym twice on my own accord. 

On the bright side, I am maintaining my weight (fluctuating a few hundred grams daily), I am keeping track of my calories so I pretty much have stop munching on snacks and I am trying to at least hit 5,000 steps on a weekday basis. I mean I pretty much don't even go out on the weekends. On the rather disappointing side, I am still so lazy. Like I am not committed to it yet. I am still trying to motivate to put in the effort.

I will be more discipline in losing weight. I have already taken the first steps, now is the time for me to commit to it.

In Shaa' Allah, every will be fine & I can do it.

Hendak Seribu Daya, Tak Hendak Seribu Dalih

Hendak Seribu Daya, Tak Hendak Seribu Dalih (Malay) - "If you are willing, you can do a thousand things, if you are unwilling, you can come up with a thousand excuses."

I need to work harder on myself. The only thing that I did well is taking care of skin and keeping myself entertain. I have gained weight and my mental health is not here, not there, and my emotional stability is questionable at best. I mean I have not had a breakdown yet so far this year but I have had a couple of close calls. And I just distract myself with stupid things to avoid breaking down.

Skin

Ever since I started using Shiseido since July 2023, it is pretty much my go-to brand for my facial care. My skin is much healthier and more lively. It doesn't look as dull as it used to be. The only problem is that it is too expensive. I need to simplify the steps. I mean, the things I listed below can last me for at least 3-4 months but to spend more than $3,000 per year on facial products is too much.

• Refreshing Cleansing Sheets (30 sheets) - $35
• Clarifying Cleansing Foam (125ml) - $62
• EUDERMINE Activating Essence (145ml) - $69
• ULTIMUNE Power Infusing Serum (75ml) - $238
• WHITE LUCENT Illuminating Micro-Spot Serum (50ml) - $220
• WHITE LUCENT Anti-Dark Circles Eye Cream (15ml) - $85
• FUTURE SOLUTION LX Total Regenerating Cream (50ml) - $450
• WHITE LUCENT Power Brightening Mask (6 sheets) - $105

Weight

I have stopped going to the gym since September 2024. With this current job, starting work at 10.30am, I thought I would have the motivation to work out first before starting work. The intention was there but physically, my body valued my sleep more than working out. Honestly, sleeping at 1am then waking up at 6am for Fajr then going back to sleep and waking up around 8.30am, feels so good. So good that I have gained a lot of weight. And it's so obvious that my face has gotten rounder, my stomach has gotten rounder and my ass has gotten rounder too. 

I had just signed up for HomeGroundGym, which is $78 per month for a period of 18 months. And that is so much cheaper than what I used to pay for Virgin Active - $190 per month. It's June now, so I got until November to prepare my December body for my Bangkok birthday trip. I've signed up for a package deal with a trainer as well. 30 sessions, 2 sessions per week and I have already had my first session on last Monday. The trainer was nice enough to stretch the first session to almost 2 hours long, just going through with me the exercises and helping me with the apps to keep track of my calories and steps as well. 

I will lose weight and achieve my ideal weight of 63kg by December 2025.

Monthly Goals

I did better than last year. I have achieved 5 out of my 12 goals. Last year, it was only 3.5 out of 12 goals.

1.  January - Pay back credit card debt. ✔️
2.  February - Pay back credit card debt & set aside for Hari Raya. ✔️
3.  March - Pay back credit card debt & set aside for Hari Raya. ✔️
4.  April - Buy Bangkok flight ticket & book hotel for December.  Pay back credit card debt. ✔️
5.  May - Pay back credit card debt. ✔️
6.  June - Pay credit card debt. Buy Bangkok flight ticket & book hotel for December.
7.  July - Pay back credit card debt.
8.  August - Pay back credit card debt.
9.  September - Pay back credit card debt.
10.  October - Pay back credit card debt & book Bangkok activities.
11.  November - Pay back credit card debt.
12.  December - 1 week birthday trip to Bangkok.

I need to be stricter on myself. I keep pushing my budget to the last cent then kept reshuffling my finances to ensure that everything is in place. It's annoying. 

In Shaa' Allah, I will achieve my targets.

Ponerse las pilas

Ponerse las pilas (Spanish) - To get cracking, to put one's skates on

This job requires a lot of reading, researching & reviewing.

I got hired as a HR and a Compliance Officer, something that I have no background in. I understand how my previous role got me this job but at the same time, I am so tired of reading, researching & reviewing.

• I am learning German as it is a German company, and after 1 year with almost 40 classes, I am still struggling. I can read German and understand bits and pieces of it but that's it.
• I am reading up on MOM Employment laws as I am the HR representative for the Singapore office. 
• I am researching on Compliance Regulations because I have done audit management in my previous company, they took it as I am able to be part of the non-existence compliance department.
• I am reviewing articles about Sanctions around the world as it is closely related to Compliance.

But on top of it all, it reignites this interest in me to pursue it further. It makes me want to do better. It makes me want to prove to myself that I am capable of achieving these things. Part of me can see that if I make the effort and submit a proper proposal, I know that the company will be willing to pay for my Masters in HR or to further my knowledge in Compliance.

We shall see first. I just need to gather my thoughts and properly think about this.

19th April, Saturday - Mami Ani's Open House & Syima's Open House

Went to my aunt's open house with my parents, had my favourite banana fritters cooked by my aunt and after Maghrib, I made my way to Syima's husband's house.

What started out as just a gathering amongst us, Kak Lenny & family and her parents, turned into a full-scale open house of her inviting her HomeTeamNS friends, her close cousins and her secondary school clique. And that is why I honestly dislike open houses. I mean, if I can go and eat and go off, I don't mind but because the inner circle are there, so Syima & Husband were busy entertaining the guests while we minded out own business all the way until 1 in the morning. 

Juherman was an easy guy to talk to but it will take time to fill him in on our inside jokes. The thing that I find interesting about him is that he works in the Crisis Management Department for Apple Singapore. Now that is just very impressive and fascinating for me since I have no idea what goes on in a crisis handling situation.

10th May, Saturday - Harry Potter Exhibition & Iris van Herpen Exhibition

My 3rd Harry Potter Exhibition. I have been to the London and Tokyo permanent exhibitions, and now to the traveling exhibition in Singapore. As usual, it will always be magical. Almost 30 years after the first book was published and 24 years after the first movie came out, it is still as magical as always.

Then followed by Iris van Herpen Exhibition - a showcase of her fashion haute couture over the past few years. One of the most magical fashion designer in the whole right now, her clothes are all one-of-a-kind pieces. I loved every single piece of it. 

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And now, I need to be broke until the end of the year to better manage my finances.

In Shaa' Allah, every thing will be fine.

Chacun voit midi à sa porte

Chacun voit midi à sa porte (French) - "Each one sees noon to his own door."

Because at the end of the day, they perceive things from their own point of view and evaluate things based on their own personal criteria and interest.

14th March, Friday - Syima's wedding.

I came, I saw and I went off. Am I happy for her? Definitely. Do I care about her? As a friend, nothing more and nothing less. 

I am drawing the lines and setting my boundaries. Let's just say, part of me feels that I shouldn't have known the truth but part of me feels better at knowing the truth. And we shall just maintain it as it is.

24th March, Monday - Salary negotiation with CFO.

Well, surprisingly there was no negotiation to be done. Based on the conversations that I had with my colleagues, we could opt for either a bonus with no increment, an increment with no bonus or split the amount into increment and bonus. After a few calculations and a conversation with myself, my target was an increment with no bonus. 

After my discussion with my CFO and he put out the offer, I was surprised that he actually hit my target. I was not expecting a 10% increment and I was expecting more than 5% increment. So when I saw that the numbers was within what I expected, I decided to just agree to it. Let's be honest, this is my first time negotiating for an increment. 6.5 years in NHB, my increment has never exceeded $150, and 2 years during AIA, my increment was very pathetic. 

Also, I am trying to give my CFO a nice impression of myself. I mean, this year I agree to what they offered me but next year, I know fully well that I can ask for more which will be in-line with my target for 2026 increment and also I feel that it will be well within their budget. We shall see how next year. In Shaa' Allah.

28th March, Friday - Iftar session.

This is my 3rd time having iftar with Aidah & Haikal. Like I stopped having iftar with my other group of friends - Azieera, Dzaki & Syima, on the basis that Azieera, like me, is just lazy to schedule an iftar session. We get that Syima does not want to miss terawih, so the 2 of us just silently agreed not to arranged for one.

So basically, my annual iftar is with Aidah, Haikal, Nazron & Netty. It shall be this way until Nazron & Netty have kids. I guess iftar with them is hassle-free, Aidah's only requirement is buffet and Nazron's requirement is to try to get the one-for-one pricing. 

As usual, it is always fun to catch up with them. I just meet up with Aidah & Haikal about 3 to 4 times a year, and we update each other about pretty much everything under the sun with our lives.

Then, it was Hari Raya.

31st March, Monday - Hari Raya celebration plus Mami Tam's birthday celebration.

1st April, Tuesday - Pak Ngah and his sons, Raihan and Rezki, visited the house.

5th April, Saturday - Pak Busu and family & Cik Sham and his son, Zikri, visited the house.

12th April, Saturday - Pak Busu and family, Abang Boy and family + Kak Sue, Abang Rehjal and family & Kak Long and family, visited the house.

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I'm tired. I'm mentally tired, which affects me physically, emotionally and honestly, spiritually. I'm trying my best not to make my thoughts affect myself. I need to start taking small steps all over again.

In Shaa' Allah, everything will be fine.

Augenblicklich

Augenblicklich (German) ~ "like the blink of an eye"

And just like that, it's Ramadan. Alhamdulillah that I am able to make it to another Ramadan.

February was quiet.

28th February, Friday - Panel Discussion at UAS

I got invited by NAFA to be part of the panel discussion at UAS Career Fair -"Arts and Beyond". A discussion for their Diploma programme. It was a good discussion, but I don't think it was fruitful. It was only 1 hour and 15 minutes long and I felt bad that I did not get to answer some of the more interesting questions posed by the students. It was nice to share my experiences with the students but at the same time, it was obvious that half of them were not interested while the other half wants to have a proper fruitful discussion about their future in the arts industry. 

8th March, Saturday - Iftar with relatives.

After 3 years of skipping iftar at my aunt's place because there was no space in that small house to squeeze in at least 40 people, I went over alone - as my family representative, for iftar. Honestly, it baffles me why none of the cousins wants to volunteer to be the host instead of asking my 70+ year old aunt to still be the host just because she is the oldest. I have voiced it a few times to some of my cousins but it just fell onto deaf eats. Even my dad feels bad for it but there's only so much that he can do since my aunt is more than happy to give in to her other siblings. 

Overall, I had a nice time catching up with the uncles and aunties, and the cousins. It's a weird feeling knowing that everyone is aging and I don't know why but part of me was trying to mentally and emotionally be prepared for who will be the first to pass away. I need to strengthen myself spiritually.

11th March, Tuesday - Appraisal discussion with HR.

This was unexpected. Moving forward, I will have 2 appraisal sessions - 1 with my CEO and another with my HR manager in Hamburg. It was a quick half an hour session unlike with my CEO, which was a 2 hour long appraisal talk. It feels like it was more of a summary of my talk with my CEO. I mean, at least with this job, I know the direction that I can go forward on and from the looks of it, there are 2-3 courses that I can sign up for to use as leverage for career advancement or salary increment or even for future job switch. For now, I'm happy with both talks that I had. 

We shall see how it goes next with my CFO for salary negotiations in a couple of weeks.

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The rest of March will be a tad busy for me.

• 14th March - Syima's wedding.
• 24th March - Salary negotiation with CFO.
• 27th March - Joseph's last day.
• 28th March - Iftar with Aidah, Haikal, Nazron & Netty.
• 31st March - Hari Raya & Mami's birthday.

In Shaa' Allah, everything will be fine.

Ichi-go ichi-e

Ichi-go ichi-e (Japanese) ~ "One time, one meeting"

January has been nice.

24th January, Friday - Farewell dinner with volunteers

Finally, the volunteer programme under PSM has been sunsetted. Due to the restructuring of NHB, a few of the programmes under PSM got brought over to another division. To be honest, the outreach numbers weren't that great and it was obvious that they were looking for reason to end it. The intention of the programme is excellent but managing it, is a different story. When I took over back, I was able to grow the numbers by a little bit, then COVID-19 happened, it became hard to let the monuments to allow the members of the public in. Then more and more monuments decided to do their renovation and restoration works which will take years. Then I quit and I found out that one of my ex-colleague, Jermaine, is on a 1-year sabbatical leave, with no one to manage the programme. So pretty much that was the final blow to shut down the programme.

It was nice to meet up with the volunteers after so long. And it was really nice to catch up with my ex-colleagues, Stella, Yong Jun and John, and my ex-director, Melissa. And to hear all the gossips, well, it's not really gossip, it is sharing of information. After I left the company back in January 2024, around 10 people in the cluster have resigned as well.

25th January, Saturday - Seventeen Concert

My first time going to a concert at the Singapore National Stadium after more than 15 years, I guess. The concert itself was excellent. I had such a blast singing to their songs and just wiggling in my seat. The experience was a tad let down since I didn't know that we were not allow to dance on our seats except for certain part of the concert. And also, I should have gone with my cousin, knowing fully well that we will have gone crazy over the boys. I bought their lightstick like the fangirl that I am. Overall, I had loads of fun.

Because of this, I feel that I might have gain the confidence of going to my next concert alone. The next Jeff Satur concert in Singapore, I will definitely go. I need to go. It helps that he just posted an announcement hinting at an upcoming concert - it only started that tickets sales will start in March. I'm excited for this. And lastly, Daania and me have decided to go to the next Stray Kids concert together, another thing to look forward to.

29th January, Wednesday - CNY lunch & dinner

We had a get-together at Kak Lenny's house. It has been quite some time since we all had gotten together. It was nice to hangout, have stupid conversations and eat good food with excellent company. And it was surprisingly easy for all of us to unanimously agree to meet up again for Raya. We decided to just skipped iftar.

And it's Ramadan next month. 

In Shaa' Allah, everything will be fine and moving along smoothly.

Monthly Goals

So I failed horribly at my monthly goals for 2024. I achieved 3 and a half out of the 12 goals that I set out for. That was just bad, really bad. For 2025, my goals are very much straightforward and simple enough that I am confident I can achieve all of them. Let's just say it's pretty much payback for going all out last year.

1.  January - Pay back credit card debt.
2.  February - Pay back credit card debt & set aside for Hari Raya.
3.  March - Pay back credit card debt & set aside for Hari Raya.
4.  April - Buy Bangkok flight ticket & book hotel for December.
5.  May - Pay back credit card debt.
6.  June - Pay back credit card debt.
7.  July - Pay back credit card debt.
8.  August - Pay back credit card debt.
9.  September - Pay back credit card debt.
10.  October - Pay back credit card debt & book Bangkok activities.
11.  November - Pay back credit card debt.
12.  December - 1 week birthday trip to Bangkok.

Also, to motivate myself one way or another, I shall make a few easy goals.

• To start back on my drawings - I have not drawn anything since May 2024 and part of me is annoyed that I'm not inspired or motivated to start something new even though I know that I need it for my own form of relaxation.
• To complete at least 1 of my BL series books - I have the complete set of 3 BL-Wuxia series, 17 books total, and I have completed reading only 1 book. I need to start reading physical books again. I have been reading to many online light novels and manhua/manhwa/mangas.
• To start going back to gym - I have stopped going to the gym since September 2024 and it's because I am just lazy. Anyway, now that there's a new cheaper option for gym within 5 mins away from my house, I need to start going again. After fasting month, obviously, so that I don't waste my membership fees.
• To practice on my German - I mean it is being paid for by my company, might as well I start putting in the effort to do my own revision and brush up on my own. I mean, after 20 lessons, I am still horrible at it. I understand the intention/meaning behind the sentences but I honestly can't reply in German or get my pronunciation correct. 

In Shaa' Allah, I will be able to achieve all my goals for 2025.

2025

 Daily prayers.

1. May Allah SWT forgive my parents, my family, my friends, my fellow Islamic brothers & sisters & my sins.
2. May Allah SWT accept my parents, my family, my friends, my fellow Islamic brothers & sisters & my good deeds.
3. May Allah SWT protect my parents, my family, my friends, my fellow Islamic brothers & sisters & myself from hellfire.
4. May Allah SWT protect my parents, my family, my friends, my fellow Islamic brothers & sisters & myself from any misfortune in this world.
5. May Allah SWT bring my parents, my family, my friends, my fellow Islamic brothers & sisters & myself to Jannah.
6. May Allah SWT guide my parents, my family, my friends, my fellow Islamic brothers & sisters & myself to the right path.
7. May Allah SWT strengthen my parents, my family, my friends, my fellow Islamic brothers & sisters & my faith in HIM.
8. May Allah SWT bless my parents, my family, my friends, my fellow Islamic brothers & sisters & myself with abundance wealth & blessings.
9. May Allah SWT bless my parents, my family, my friends, my fellow Islamic brothers & sisters & my hearts & minds to be in good conscience always.
10. May Allah SWT keep my parents, my family, my friends, my fellow Islamic brothers & sisters & myself in good health always.
11. May Allah SWT allow my parents & my siblings to achieve their dream of performing the Haj while they are still healthy & have the money to do it.
12. May Allah SWT bless my parents, my siblings, the rest of my family & my friends with long lives.
13. May Allah SWT bless my nephew, Muhammad Uwais Salim Bin Muhammad Haiqal, with good health and strength as the days go by.
14. May Allah SWT bless me with loads of patience - Not to get angry quickly, not to get annoyed quickly, not to get offended easily, not to be petty with others & not to look down on others.
15. May Allah SWT let me reach my goal of completing my Umrah on my 40th birthday in 2026.
16. May Allah SWT give me the strength to like and progress in my new job.
17. May Allah SWT let me lose weight & hit my target weight of 63kg quickly.
18. May Allah SWT let me learn how to control my money & not be a spendthrift.
19. May Allah SWT let me be more discipline.
20. Rabbana Atmin Lana Nurana Waghfir Lana innaka 'Ala Kulli Shay'in Qadeer (Our Lord! Perfect our light for us, and forgive us. For You are truly most capably of everything).
21. Allahumma inni as'alukal-afiyah (O Allah, I asy you for Afiyah).
22. May Allah SWT forgive all the Palestinians, alive and dead, for their sins & bring them to Jannah.

Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.