Birthday

Didn't do anything special for my birthday.

Went to Kinokuniya & was there for 2 hours without buying any books at all.

Got stressed out because I couldn't decide.

Then spent my time, walking around aimlessly in town.

Just people-watching.

Then went to watch the midnight screening of "Star Wars: The Last Jedi".

I'm 31 years old.

It's time to get serious.

Need to get my car license.

Need to go to Paris for holiday.

Need to save $100,000 to migrate to New Zealand.

That's my main priorities.

Present

2011 - Pedro Messenger Bag & Shoes

2012 - A Song Of Ice & Fire Series

2013 - The History Of Middle-Earth Series

2014 - Malazan Book Of The Fallen Series

2015 - Adele albums - 19, 21 & 25

2016 - IKEA Bookcase

2017 - ?

For the past several years, I have been getting presents for myself.

I'll wrapped it up & would bring it home to unwrapped it.

Now, I'm not sure what to get for myself.

I'm contemplating if I should get 

a Thomas Sabo ring 

or 

The Complete Collection of 'Injustice; Gods Among Us' comic books 

or 

'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' Season 8, 9 & 10 comic books.

Hmmm...

Balance

Maybank (Semester 1 of Degree)

Loan: $10,100 (inclusive of interest)

Paid: $7,850

Balance: $2,250

Mendaki (Semester 2 of Degree)
Loan: $4,900
Paid: $4,900
Balance: $0

CPF (Year 1, Semester 1 of Diploma)
Loan: $1,916.07 (inclusive of interest)
Paid: $1,700
Balance: $216.07

Savings (Paris Trip - 2018)
Amount: $5,000
Saved: $500
Balance: $4,500

In Shaa' Allah.

Rejection

Women's Tennis Association, Closing Ceremony - 28th & 29th October

Tour Facilitator for Events Artery - 10th till 12th November

DHL's Asia Cup - 22nd till 27th November

Christmas Wonderland - 13th November till 12th January

ZoukOut 2017 - 7th till 10th December

I had to reject 5 freelance jobs because I got a full-time job.

I feel a tad uneasy.

I have no idea why.

I hate this feeling.

I am trying.

New Job

I got the job.

Officer, Finance & Admin for National Heritage Board under Preservation Of Sites & Monuments Department.

It's a 1-year contract.

They met my asking price.

It's roughly the same as my previous job with additional stuffs.

Job Scope

• Providing administrative support for the National Monuments Fund (NMF) & Tax Exemption Scheme (TES)
• Assist the Monument Inspectorate Team in verifying submissions & process fund disbursement for the NMF
• Manage applications & disbursement of funds under TES
• Assist in related liaison, filing & documentation work
• Process invoices & administer petty claims
• Provide administrative support for PSM public programmes, travelling, exhibitions & PSM advisory Board matters
• Personal assistant to Director of PSM. This includes diary management, booking of flights as & when necessary, & preparing paperwork for the Director
• Assist with any other ad-hoc duties assigned by supervisor

I need to convince myself for the sake of going to Paris in December 2018 for my birthday.

I need to do this.

I can do this.

I will do this.

In Shaa' Allah

Wedding

 

I have no idea how I do it.

But I am always able to make any happy celebration into a sad memory.

The wedding was a blast.

I handle it like a pro.

Then it dawned upon me that it's the only wedding that I would ever be the maid-of-honor.

I don't have any more close friends that are getting married.

I guess that's what happens when you keep your circle small & tight.

I had fun though, that's what matters.

Guilt

Job interview with National Heritage Board, last Friday.

Job interview with Kaplan Singapore, next Tuesday.

Women's Tennis Association, Opening Night - 17th, 19th & 20th October

Christmas Wonderland - 13th November till 12th January

My heart feels heavy.

I feel uncertain.

I feel guilty for desperately wanting to pursue my happiness.

I feel guilty for not meeting up to my own expectations.

I feel guilty for putting my sanity a priority.
I feel guilty for not making my parents feel proud of me.
I feel guilty for constantly questioning every decision that I made.
I feel guilty for not being able to be a better person.
I feel guilty for failing every single day.
I feel guilty for not being decisive enough when it comes to it.
I feel guilty for being unsure of what I want in life.
I feel guilty for not being having the confidence in myself.
I feel guilty for feeling guilty.

In Shaa' Allah, HE will guide me to the correct path.
I need to never lose my faith in HIM.

Confused

Got a job interview with National Heritage Board for tomorrow.

Officer, Finance & Admin, 1 year contract.

Got another confirmed event for Christmas Wonderland.

It's for 2 months from 13th November 2017 until 12th January 2018.

I'm confused.

I'm not sure if I'm ready for a full-time job yet 

or

if I should continue doing freelance until end of the year.

I'm loving the freedom & flexible that I am having right now.
Money is tight.
Though it makes me thankful because it forces me to be creative.
It forces me to concentrate on the things that I love.
I can concentrate on my writings.
I can concentrate on my drawings.
I can concentrate on my freelance event jobs.

It's just that I don't have the stability to survive in Singapore.

In Shaa' Allah, He will guide me to the correct path.

Alone

The cousin is soon-to-be engaged to the close friend.

The other close friend has her family to take care of.

Another close friend is staying in Jurong West.

She's getting married soon & is still quite wild.

Another close friend is all the way in United Kingdom.

As for the rest, they are colleagues who are fun.

Absolutely no idea how to make friends now.

Alone.

Work

I guess I'll be busy for the next couple of months.

4th - 5th & 11th - 12th August -> Civic District Outdoor Festival

23rd - 26th August -> Singapore Night Festival

29th August - 18th September -> Formula 1, Singapore Airlines, Singapore Grand Prix

06th November - 31st December -> Christmas Wonderland, Gardens By The Bay

Now I need to find an event to do in October.

Hopefully, I'll find something.

I'm still figuring out what my next step is.

To continue in my freelance ways or to start finding a full-time job...

In Shaa' Allah, HE will guide me to the correct path.

Restless

I'm a firm believer in signs from HIM.

So while working full-time, I went for 3 job interviews in May & got rejected because all 3 companies couldn't wait for my 1 month's notice. I took it as a sign to quit my job. From the month of May till I served the end of my notice, end of June, I went for 7 job interviews & got rejected all 7 times. Then since the moment that I'm jobless, I did not even get a single interview at all. I'm beginning to feel worried & restless.

I do have 2 events going on.

I will be working on 4th - 5th & 11th - 12th August at National Gallery Singapore.

I will be working on 28th August till 19th September for F1.

I might be able to work for Christmas Wonderland from November till December.

But that is subjected to if I still haven't got a job till end of this week or next week.

In truth, I'm feeling confused if I should stop looking for a job until later.

And also, I'm feeling confused about working in the events industry.

I feel as if it's a sign that I am not meant to work in the events industry.

I feel as if I need to find a different career path.

In Shaa' Allah, HE has better plans for me.

Jobless

1 year, 8 months, 3 weeks & 5 days.

20 months, 3 weeks & 5 days.

90 weeks & 5 days.

635 days.

15, 240 hours.

914, 400 minutes.

54, 864, 000 seconds.

And I quit my job.

Now, I have been sending my resume out daily & I have been to 7 interviews since the start of May, I have been rejected 5 times. I'm waiting for the results of the last 2 interviews. One of them is as a Project Executive with Ministry of Culture, Community & Youth and the other is as a Student Services Executive with London School of Business & Finance. I'm hoping to get the latter job because I feel that it is more suited towards my career goals and it's at Tanjong Pagar. I missed working at Tanjong Pagar.

In Shaa' Allah, I will get it.

If I don't, then I know that it's not meant to be.

HE has better plans for me.

Job Offer

Secretariat Lead for F1 2017 - 5 months contract.

It will be my 5th year working for F1. I was offered a 7 months contract, 2 years back but I was doing the final semester of my degree so I had to give it a pass.

Now, a friend of mine offered me the same position again. My gut is telling me to take it but my brain is telling me not to take it because of the uncertainty. At the same time, if they are able to meet my asking price, there's a 75% chance that I might take it. Then I'll figure something out for November till end of September next year.

I just need to think about it for the next couple of days. My friend needs an answer by end of the month, I still got time.

In Shaa' Allah, HE will guide me to do what HE is right for me.

Loans & Savings

Maybank (Semester 1 of Degree)

Loan: $10,100 (inclusive of interest)

Paid: $5,750

Balance: $4,250

Mendaki (Semester 2 of Degree)

Loan: $4,900

Paid: $4,750

Balance: $150

CPF (Year 1, Semester 1 of Diploma)

Loan: $2,242.82 (inclusive of interest)

Paid: $900

Balance: $1,342.82

Savings (Europe Trip - 2018)

Total: $12,500

Saved: $500

Balance: $12,000

I'm on the right track. In Shaa' Allah.

2017

Daily prayers.

1. May Allah SWT forgives my parents', my family's, my friends', my fellow Islamic brothers & sisters & my sins.
2. May Allah SWT accept my parents', my family's, my friends', my fellow Islamic brothers & sisters & my deeds.
3. May Allah SWT protect my parents', my family's, my friends', my fellow Islamic brothers & sisters & myself from Hell.
4. May Allah SWT protect my parents', my family's, my friends', my fellow Islamic brothers & sisters & myself from any misfortune in this world.
5. May Allah SWT bring my parents', my family's, my friends', my fellow Islamic brothers & sisters & myself to the right path.
6. May Allah SWT bring my parents', my family's, my friends', my fellow Islamic brothers & sisters & myself to HIS Paradise.
7. May Allah SWT bless my parents', my family's, my friends', my fellow Islamic brothers & sisters & myself with good health & wealth always.
8. May Allah SWT bless me with a job that will benefit me as a person, a job that I will love & succeed in.
9. May Allah SWT allow me to achieve my goal of going to Europe for 2 months.

Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.