See that smile.
From now on, it's going to be plastered to my face.
Permanently.
I'm not going to show
my emotions anymore.
I'm going to try my
best to be as cold as
I can.
I can't be bothered
taking care of other people.
I do find pleasure in
knowing about other
people's business.
I'm not going to pretend
to care about their well-being.
If people confide in me,
so be it.
I don't want to give them
advice only to have it turned
on me.
I just don't give a shit
anymore.
If I want to plan an outing
for the Dolls, then I'll do it
my way or I'll just scrap the
whole thing and let someone
else do it.
I don't want to be the person
anymore.
I don't want to be that person
any longer.
I just want to be myself.
To do as I please.
I no longer want to be how
people perceived me to be.
I can't be bothered with you anymore. By all means, just continue getting on my nerves. I'll just pretend everything is alright, then I'll walk away from you. I don't mind throwing away my friendship with you. It's like second nature for me. I'm not even going to say anything about it. I'm just going to let you do as you please. It's your life to waste around with, not mine. Have fun doing whatever you're doing. I'm not going to stop you at all from continuously talking about it considering that I do know the real facts about it. I'm just going to pretend to be your friends for the sake of your knowledge and expertise. Nothing more, nothing less. Just do me a favour and get off that pedestal before I literally pushed you off it and make it look like an accident. Trust me, I'm good at that. I'm not hounding you, so why are you in my space so much? Say it to my face, the next time. I wish I could be like you. Either so oblivious or just get done and over with or just lie through your teeth. Don't be so excited yet, when everything comes crushing down, I'll be away. I'll make sure of that.
For the first time ever, I realise that I don't have someone who I can call my B. Ever since NS, I've always have someone who I can call my B and that they are single. Someone who I know that I would never get but who would always flirt and pamper me in their own weird ways. For 5, almost 6 freaking years, I had that comfort zone. Now both of my Bs are attached and I don't think I can honestly flirt with them without getting beaten up by their partners. So, I've decided.
To be void of all emotions.
The best solution.
At this moment in time, off course.
PS: Plastic Mode On
